And another...

The Cumudgeon wants to streamline the cabinet, so let’s imagine who might be members of the “Central Committee” or Presidium as the cabinet will be called:

Alexander Johnson - Al Jolson

Jacob Rees-Mogg - the Moggwitch Cuckoo

Michael Gove - 'I've been a Wild Gover for many a year'

Priti 'Post-truth' Patel

Dominic Raaaaaab.....id

Sajid Javid - Savage Jav

Known collectively as The Dodgy Half Dozen...Your life in their hands!

And another thing....

In the Queen’s Speech, Worker’s rights will be stripped from the revised Withdrawal Agreement.

So what now for worker’s rights?

Imagine the scene:

 

Worker: Morning.

Employer: Morning, you’re fired!

Worker: You can’t just fire me without reason.

Employer: I think you’ll find I can.

Worker: What about my rights?

Employer: Well let’s look at the new, improved BRITISH Bill of Rights.

Ah, here we are.

Paragraph 1 – the unemployed have the right to survive – just. The employed have no

rights, apart from the right to be fired if the employer doesn’t like the look of you.

Bye.

Meeting of the Labour Party Supporter’s Club

Meeting of the Labour Party Supporter’s Club -Somewhere

(Not in Scotland, obviously)

• Well comrades, what do think of that load of old bollocks?

• Old bollocks is right and his name is Corbyn!

• Hold on a minute, at the time we all thought Corbyn looked a good bet to take on the Tories. It’s just that, it turns out he’s got about as much personality as the speaking clock and, like the speaking clock, is totally lacking in spontaneity.

• That’s a bit harsh, true but harsh. But at least there’ll be a leadership contest, and that’ll give us the chance to get it right this time.

• Get it right? Get it right? The only thing we’ll get right is to decide who’s going to win before the contest starts.

• Hold on, that’s undemocratic and we’re supposed………

• This is no time for the niceties of what is or isn’t democratic. Democracy is what the leadership says it is, and anyway, the people don’t care about democracy, they just want to be told what to do and that the Socialist Promised Land is just around the corner.

• But, I still say………

• I think it sounds like you should join the bleeding hearts Lib Dems. Anyway, enough of this comrades, who’s going to be leader?

• Well, the Tories keep banging on that they’ve had 2 female leaders and we haven’t had one so maybe……

• Yes, but Corbyn was a bit of an old…

• Stop right there! We’ve got enough trouble with anti-Semitism without introducing sexism into the mix.

• Sorry. It’s just that…

• Enough!

• So it’s got to be a woman.

• Yes. Tough on Starmer though. At least he’s a grown up!

• Yeah, but he’s a ‘Sir’. If we had him as leader we’d be a laughing stock.

• No change there then!

• Who then?

• First off, we are always accused of being too Metropolitan centrist, so that rules out Thornberry – anyway, she’s too leery and la-di-dah what with her being married to a high court judge an’ all.

• But she comes from a working class background.

• Well, she ain’t bl**ding working class now is she?

• So… must have working class credentials intact and after last week’s little episode (sic), and she’s got to be from the North.

• Remind me, where does the North start again?

• Shut up!...... Watford Services!

• Who’s left, but maybe not too left?

• Okay, there’s that Long-Bailey – a bit iffy with a double barrelled name, but at least it’s not Old Bailey.

• But she’ll be Corbyn Mk 2 – and that went well.

• Y’think? Who else?

• Rayner?

• Nah. She’s big mates with Bill-Bailey, and they’re stitching up the leader and deputy leader.

• Christ! Well, were not coming home any time soon.

• Then there’s Nandy.

• Yes but with her, its Wigan this and Wigan that. If she becomes leader and PM, she wouldn’t live at No10 unless it was No10 High St, Wigan!

• So that just leaves Phillips.

• Now there’s somebody with great working class credentials. She’s straight talking, honest and, more to the point she’s been on Have I Got News For You!

• Bloody hell! Straight talking, honest, are you mad? She won’t stand a chance!

Mind you HIGNFY got the Bozo elected.

• We’re fcuked!
  
  

  =

  

Hells Bells. Hells Bells. Hellfire All The Way

 "May I wish Clemantics and Clem's readership a very Happy  Christmas ...and see you all down at the allotment on Boxing Day"

HELLS BELLS

(To the tune of Jingles Bells)

Corbyn’s been dispatched,

Bozo’s on his way,

The future’s looking very bleak,

I don’t know what to say,

Whenever that man speaks

My heart feels broke in two,

I just can’t stand his insouciance,

I don’t know what to do.

Oh happy times, happy times,

Bozo’s promised much,

Let’s just hope he don’t end up speaking Double Dutch,

Oh happy times, happy times,

But I am in despair,

Bozo’s election with knobs on is more than I can bear.

But things aren’t all that bad,

I’ve got a triple lock pension,

So whatever Bozo says or does,

I can stand the tension,

Yet pity the younger folk,

They never asked for this,

The only thing left for them to do,

Is to get very rudely pissed!

Oh happy times, happy times,

Bozo’s promised much,

Let’s just hope he don’t end up speaking Double Dutch,

Oh happy times, happy times,

But I am in despair,

Bozo’s election with knobs on is more than I can bear

As Spartacus might have said

As Spartacus might have said, "We who are about to be Brexited, salute, you shit.

I do like a comma-so comforting.

As I'm sure you know, when Corbyn was a callow youth - no change there then - he worked on a pig farm and was so affected by the manner in which the pigs were badly treated that he became a vegetarian.

What is less well known is that he also decided to learn more  about the ins and outs of pig husbandry, and so took himself off to the local library.Unfortunately, instead of going to the reference section, he found himself in the "Are you intelligent enough to read these books? section As you can imagine, books on pig husbandry were thin on the ground, but there was one that seemed to point in the right direction and he duly took it out on loan.

Once he had read Animal Farm, his concern for the welfare of pigs was somewhat diminished. However, the book triggered further ideological questions, so back he went to the library. This time as luck would have it, he found himself in the reference section and there he found the book that would have the most profound effect on his life; an effect he has spent a lifetime inviting others to share, but ultimately been disappointed that it remains what it always has been - a hard sell

"The Handbook of Socialism for Beginners" is not well known and has been out of print since well, soon after it was published. The copy Mr Corbyn obtained from the library was one of the few that survived the cull and on returning the book was informed that it might be for the best if he kept it, as he was the only person to borrow it and, in a way, they deserved each other.

Overcome with pleasure - difficult to discern but recognised by a twitch of the eyebrow -Mr Corbyn took the book and even now it resides on his bedside table.  Dog eared, the binding in a poor state of repair, nevertheless, it remains the book he refers to when he feels under pressure from non believers.

Oh Jeremy Corbyn.

ABC of ABJ part2

 AN ABC OF ABJ  - Part2

N is for NO SHOW

Channel 4 Climate Change Debate and the Andrew Neil show are still waiting

O is for OUTRAGE

“Outrageous that married couples should pay for ’the single mothers’ desire to procreate independently of men.”

And for OBJECTIFICATION of women

 See above and use of words like ‘Tottymeter’

P is for PALS

Trump & Johnson alias Fart and Prick

Q is for QUEEN

 Who “loves...flag-waving piccaninnies”

And for the QUEEN, to whom he lied in order to get parliament pro-rogued illegally

R is for RACISM

·         Water-melon smiles

·         Letterboxes

·         “Orientals have bigger brains, Blacks are at the other pole”

The list goes on and on...

S is for SINGLE-PARENT MOTHERS who are “ignorant, ill-raised and illegitimate”

T is for TURDS – The French are Turds who are ‘shafting Britannia’

U is for UNSCRUPULOUS

Johnson ignores the families’ plea not to exploit the victims of the London bridge murders

V is for VASSAL STATE

Goodbye EU, hello USA

And for VOTING – “Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts.”

W is for WEASAL WORDS

And for WIFFLE, WAFFLE WOFFLE when he gets a question too hard for him to answer

X is for XENOPHOBIA

where ISLAMAPHOBIA goes unchallenged within the Tory party by Johnson

Y is for YOBS and LARRAKINS

who Johnson suggests might steal London Hire Bikes whilst failing to mention himself and his alumnii friends in the Bullingden Club

Z is for Zaghari–Ratcliffe who Johnson through his ill-chosen words condemned to an extended term of imprisonment

Lexicon of a Liar

AN ABC OF ABJ  - Part 1

A is for AFRICA

 “The problem is not that we were once in charge but that we aren’t anymore.”

And AVARICIOUS

“All the under 30s I know are just as avaricious as we...they have an almost NIGERIAN interest in money.”

B is for BANKROBBERS (women in burkhas)

And BASHAR-AL-ASSAD

“Hooray...Bravo... Keep going!”

C is for CLINTON

“She’s got dyed blonde hair, pouty lips and a steely blue stare like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.”

D is for DOMINIC’S dirty tricks

And DISLOYALTY (to Maybot and successive girlfriends)

And for ‘DYING in a ditch’

E is for ECONOMICAL with the truth

·         £390 billion for the NHS

·         40 ( I mean 6 ) new hospitals

·         50,000 new nurses (including the 19,000 we are no longer going to get rid of)

F is for “FUCK BUSINESS”

And for FAKE TWITTER ACCOUNT

G is for “GIRLY SWOTS”

And for “(Girls) GLISTENING like wet otters”

H is for HOMOPHOBIA

 For “tank-topped bum boys” for “shirt-lifters”

I is for IMMIGRATION scare

 “80 million Turks would come to this country if we stayed in the EU”

J is for JOHNSON, which just cannot stay in his trousers

K is for KALAMATA Olives

“I have no more in common with ...a Kalamata Olive than Winston Churchill”

L is for LETTERBOXES, LIES AND LIBYA

“Sirte would have a successful future as a luxury resort once investors have cleared the bodies away.”

M is for McINTYRE and any other illegitimate sprogs who may litter Johnson’s path.

And for MISOGYNY

“(she was) a mega-titted six footer”

“Women are naturally fickle”