On reaching 100,000 Covid Deaths

 

It is a sobering, solemn timeline-remembrance of 100,000 UK deaths and rising.

Clemantics adjures our readership to go well yourselves and all of yours, too.

"And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains."

Percy Bysshe Shelley

In the Psycho Chair – a series of interviews with Cabinet Psychos by Dr. Anton Claire (in fond memory of Dr Anthony Clare)

 

In the Psycho Chair – a series of interviews with Cabinet Psychos

by Dr. Anton Claire (in fond memory of Dr Anthony Clare)

(Do-do-do-dodo-dodo-doo Mozartian music fades into background)

Gavin Williamson - Ravvin' Williwagglerson

(separated at birth)

Dr.AC:

In the Psycho Chair today we have the Cabinet's foremost psycho the Right Horrible Ravvin' Williwagglerson, MP, Secretary-in-a-State for Education. Mr Williwagglerson, or would you prefer me to call you Ravvin'?

(ignore RW's reply)

You were born in Scarborough; is that fair? Do you think that affected you in any way?

RW: Whoaa! Start off with the tricky ones, eh Lad? 'Appen it did, like! 'Appen it did!

AC: On reflection do you think it set you on your current trajectory?

RW: Nah, then; nah then! Let's get somethin' straight from t'start. I'm not here to do any reflectin' or delvin'; or I'm off down t'road, quick as a flash...if you get my trajectory...

AC: (ignoring threat) You attended an anonymous Comprehensive School in Scarborough; an anonymity which was reflected in your own performance there. Your class teacher described you as a Goofy character without Goofy's charm. You were bullied at school, weren't you? And your sole friend was a spider called Cronus.

RW: (producing a tarantula in a glass box) Aye; that's right. Want t' make summat of it?

AC: Yes, indeed I do but I will come to that later. Your father, Ray, was a Local Government worker and your mother, Bev, worked in a Job Centre. Both were staunch Labour supporters. So was joining the Conservative Party an act of rebellion; perhaps a rejection of your humble origins?

RW: Don't be so bloody daft! Life's a greasy pole and I'm up it like a rat up a drainpipe!

AC: An interesting conflation of simile and metaphor. Do I take it that you saw becoming a Tory as a way of getting on?

RW: T'Masons wouldn't 'ave us; so I thought what the 'eck; let's take a gander at t' Tory Party.

AC: Despite being intellectually challenged, you pitched up at Bradford University where you read Social Studies

RW: (interjects) Aye' what a mistake was that – a bunch of Bloody Lefties.

AC: (continuing) And joined the student Conservative Party, rising in 1997 to be National Chair...

RW: (wistfully) Eee...We was right fillin' our boots at that time, as well as movin' up in t'world. Grand days! Grand days!

AC: From there you turned to Local Politics. You were County Councillor for Seamer in North Yorkshire.'

RW: (proudly) Aye, I was 'Young People's Champion' in 2003.

AC :(attempting to lighten things) And was it Champion to be 'Champion'?

(This goes straight over RW's head)

RW: 'Twas bloody 'ard work; bloody 'ard, so I stood down in 2005.=

AC: So you thought selling fire-places might offer a quicker route to the top?

RW: You takin' t' Mick? (moves Cronus towards AC). 'Twas 'ard graft, pure 'ard graft. Let me tell thee; you don't get to be fireplace seller of the year 2 times (consecutive years) without graftin' for it. Can you blame me for Layin a pop on that (Jeremy) 'Unt? 'E comes on with all that 'I'm an Entrepreneur' business. I'd like to see 'im sell fireplaces to folks who don't even 'ave a flue in house.

AC: So can we take it that selling fireplaces was all part of your plan to take Parliament by storm...?

To be continued as we follow Williwagglerson on his journey from Scarredboro' to South Staffs and onward to Westminster