The Statue Tory Read (a subsidiary of Wright-Wing Press)
Don't Pull 'em Down
(by our correspondent A. Cortt- Clarke)
Members of the No Common Sense Group of Tory MPs awoke to the news that the Scotstoun 4 (Ms. A. Woke; Ms. A. Snow-Flayke; Mr. A. Pinkeau; Mr. A. Trott) had been acquitted of causing Criminal Damage to one of the UK's proudest statues.
Outside Court Ms. Snow-Flayke explained
“ We simply thought we were doing the good people of Scotstoun a service by removing an icon celebrating rape, exploitation and paedophilia”
Miss Sue Ella, (Braine-Lesse & Braverperson solicitors) representing pressure group Statues 'R' Us claimed that the 4's acquittal opened the door to statue assault up and down the country.
“We are facing a complete meltdown of Law and Order.The Grand Ole' Duke of York in St. James's has to be constantly guarded. Only last week a cut and dried case of theft of Jim 'll Fix it badge was thrown out on the grounds of it being an offensive medallion.”
Miss Sue Ellawent on to say
“ I shall be referring the Scotstoun case to the Court of Appeal as it has right pissed me and like-minded custodians of Make Britannia Grate Again off.”
The Perv Research Group at Westminster commented
“ By destroying this edifice the children of our Great Country (excluding Scotland) lose the opportunity to learn how much we revel* Exploitative Paedos in our society
*(did you mean revile?- ed.)
ASH the anti-smoking pressure group echoed the PRG's sentiments. It claimed
“Removing Jim's cigar has deprived our youth of the opportunity of learning the hazards of smoking.”
Ivor Lyttle-John 'John speaks, the world listens', writing in the Daily Male observed
“The Infamous 4 would be singing a different tune if the statue of Hereward-The-Woke in Ely** was desecrated.”
**(I don't think there is a statue to Hereward in Ely. - ed.)
The Statue Tory Read asked the Government for comment. No senior Tory was available but Raquel Mc Cleanup, Minister for Safeguarding, told us
“ I think I can safely say that without Jim, I wouldn't have a job. He certainly fixed it for me!!”
