More Balcony Conversations

 

Balcony Conversations part 1

 

Ben (Itsa) Fittup Harding Valedictory

CLEMANTICS regrets to inform you of the passing of the Conservative Leader of the Canterbury City Council, Ben Fittup-Hardening.

Mr. Fittup at the state opening of his new car park on White Elephant Street

Tributes have been flooding in from:

 

 Swalecliffe Sewerage Co.  'Mr. Fittup suggested that we put the principle of "Trickle Down'"at the heart of our business plan - he effectively saved the company. ALSO he exhorted that we remember that in the waste disposal business it isn't just the cream that floats to the top! THE MAN'S A TOTAL LEGEND!

Zoned Out PLC. The Canterbury Zone Scheme was sheer genius. To think Mr Hardup brushed it aside as something he had drawn up on the back of an envelope after a night drinking Jägerbombs. THE MAN'S A TOTAL LEGEND!

 

A. Ford-Abell Housing Ltd. 'This man is SO 'Can-Do'- Who can forget the night we clinched the deal at Witherspoons when he downed half a dozen Jägerbombs,stood on the table and declared to all and sundry  " Brown sites, Green sites, Tame Farmers, we've got it covered. Just C'mon down...and then broke into 

"No Infrastructure, No VAT; No money down; I guarantee...God bless Fittup. B; Magnifique c'est Hardup B." THE MAN'S A TOTAL LEGEND!

 

NCP: Project White Elephant would hae been impossible without Mr. Fittup working day and night to ensure that Canterbury had the parking spaces it richly deserved.Genius.THE MAN'S A LEGEND!

In a moving ceremony outside WESTGATE HALLS, where M.Hardup discarded his Blue Rosette into a waiting unemptied Blue Wheelie Bin,a lone minstrel complete with mouth-organ struck up a bespoke lament that he had written for the occasion:

The Ballad of Ben Fittup-Hardening

Ben (ItsaFittup)-Harding

Was a friend to the rich

He travelled with Plan

In every hand.

All along our District

He tried to make a pitch

But he was never known

To help an honest man

It was down in Canterbury

One day he came around

With his cronies by his side

He made a plan

So they built an empty car park

For a mere ten million pounds

All of which has gone

Right down the pan.

Ben he loved developers

Who came to make a buck

In Mountfield Park

They thought they had it made

But soon their mad ideas

All but came unstuck

The people wouldn’t stand

For this charade

He stood for re-election

In Chestfield’s sylvan grove

He’s bound to win

Was what they all did say

But when the votes were counted

There was nothing left to prove

Ben had lost it

On a bright and happy day.

(with thanks to John Wesley Harding and the combined talents of Huw Kyffin & Robert Zimmerman along with John Sullivan)

 

 

Ben Fittup starts his new job at White Elephant Carparks