Remembrance Day Special

 

REMEMBRANCE DAY SPECIAL

Dame Vera leads our esteemed leaders, past & present, in a traditional sing-a-long

Sod em all, sod em all, the long and the short and the fool,

The fool is the one who's dressed like a scruff

God knows what he looks like when he's in the buff,

For the rest, life is terribly unjust,

Who knew they'd create such a fuss,

They look like a joke and certainly not woke,

And the joke well, of course it's on us!

One more time... Sod 'em all etc. etc

Lo there was a second coming

 

THE SECOND COMING

 

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And there was abiding in the same country King Rish of Richman, who tarried by his state of the art pool along with his two trusted servants James Cleverless and Lee, Son of Ander; , and God did descend unto them in a cloud as the steam room door opened. And God spoke to Rish most directly

'Get thee hence to Chipping-cum-Tory. For Salvation is at hand. Do not delay. You will find the New Saviour living in a humblish hut called 'Life-style choice'. Take the bird that whirleth in the sky, if necessary' and don't forget to take an abundance of spondooliks.

The 3 'Wize' Men looked one to another

Bloody' Ell' exploded Lee, Son of Ander ' We needed a bloody miracle to save our fookin' skins and look what's just turned up. Let's jump in your friggin' whirly bird and get over to Cotswold Central right away!

'Don't you think we should take the train?. The whirlygig is not a good look with the peasants? mused Rish

'Fook off ye Tosser; anyway the trains aren't running because of the RMT Bar-Stewards' responded Lee

'I have a brainwave. Maybe we could take the 'copter and get a bus for the last bit of the journey' suggested Cleverless

'There's nothing for it – I'm going to make a strong executive decision in the interests of my supporters in the Kingdom, I mean the whole country' asserted King Rish.

( Lee aside to Cleverless) That'll be a fookin' change; Ole Spineless 'll be growing a pair next

King Rish with his chopper

And so it came to pass that the 3 'Wize' men journeyed to Chipping-cum-Tory where the house-keeper, Sam, at Korrwhattapile Towers directed them to a modestish Shepherd's Hut adjacent to the pool behind the herb garden.

It was with due authority that King Rish reached for the bell-pull. ''I'm in the money” bell-tone rang out full heartily.

“What have we here?” enquired a boyish Quinquagenarian, brandishing a tennis racket

Let's cut to the fookin' chase,” said no non-sense Lee, Son of Ander, “Are you or are you not the Friggin' Saviour? If not we'll fook off back to Redwall, or at least Iwill.

“Well, I suppose I am” replied David of Cameroon smoothly “But you can call me Dave ,if you like”

“ The thing is” began King Rish in a quasi-masterful voice “God has sent us”

“Oh, good” interrupted Dave “Did you bring any Spondooliks or maybe some shares in a Hedge Fund?”

“Well actually we have an opening for a Saviour, like yourself” said King Rish, happily getting things on a business footing “It's a zero hours contract but if you complete the job successfully there will be more than adequate remuneration and as far as bonuses are concerned the sky's the limit. Also you would have the title of Foreign Secretary brackets (Saviour of Mankind)

“Sounds fair “ mused Dave “ I do rather fancy a new title.But what exactly is the job?”

“ It's quite simple” piped up Cleverless “ You just have to go down to Gaza (only the nice part) and have your photo taken with a few world leaders, (not Raz Putin or Li Qango, of course, and maybe settle the Israel-Palestine question, at the same time.”

“ I must advise you, Your Saviourship ” chipped in King Rish oleagenously “That there are 2 parts to the commission. The other is to SAVE THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY.

“Fcucking Hell” responded a Gob-smacked Dave. The Gaza bit is a stretch but saving the Tories will need a miracle. It's gonna cost you...

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