Let's Just Kill Off the Old'uns

Brand New 'Combined Harvesters' by Bozo and the Weasels

I drove my hearse to a Care Home last night

Oh ah! Oh aah!

Grieving families, I couldn't give a shite

Oh ah! Oh aah!

Dom's tellin' me 'bout herd immunity

Oh ah! Oh aah!

Kill off the old 'uns with impunity

Oh ah! oh aah!

'Cos we're brand new 'Combined Harvesters'; that's Dom and me

Come on now Carers, lets harvest together in perfect harmony

I've chopped several thousands but there's plenty left for thee

Now we're the brand new 'Combined Harevesters', forget your PPE.

I'll stick by Dom, he gives me all I need,

Oh ah! Oh aah!

'E's just the Angel of Death – the Grim Reaper on speed

Oh ah! Oh aah!

Let's get down to harvesting, Matt'll lend us a hand

Oh ah! Oh aah!

Curtains for the Old'uns- they won't guess it's all planned

Oh ah! Oh aah!

'Cos we're the new 'Combined Harvesters'; that's Dom and me

Morticians 'n' Embalmers working together in perfect harmony

I've had coronavirus' but it couldn't do for me

Now, we're the brand new 'Combined Harvesters' no need for PPE.

Who culls ya, Granpops? Ha!

Dom'n'Me be a couple at the Grand Harvester Ball

Oh ah! Oh aah!

You with your scythe; me playing the fool

Oh ah! Oh aah!

With our Fragrantia Morticiana we will smell grand

Oh ah! Oh aah!

Get on it Reaper, we'll all lend a hand.

'Cos we're the grand new 'Combined Harvesters', that's Dom and me

Deaths more than 30 thousand, many down to me

Just stop equivocating, join us and see

The only way is harvesting; long as it's not you; it's not me...

'Cos we're the grand new 'Combined Harvesters'. That's Dom and me...

(music

fades as crematorium curtains close)

Deaths from any cause in care homes have increased by 220% since the start of the COVID-19 outbreak 

also see:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/may/08/care-home-residents-harvested-left-to-die-uk-government-herd-immunity?CMP=share_btn_link

TO REFERENDUM OR NOT TO REFERENDUM – IS THAT THE QUESTION?

   

TO REFERENDUM OR NOT TO REFERENDUM – IS THAT THE QUESTION?

“The present is the past rolled up for action, and the past is the present unrolled for understanding.”
― Ariel Durant, The Lessons of History  

 

May 1945 – Victory in Europe. A time for celebration. Yet, politically the coalition was beginning to fragment, cohesion was becoming weaker and politicians of all parties knew that an election was imminent. The only question was, ‘when’.

The Labour Party wanted to delay the election until October fearing that in an early election Winston Churchill’s charisma and record as war leader would sway the electorate. There were, however, two further and less partisan reasons, namely;

• A new electoral register would not be ready until October.
• The difficulty in organising the votes of Service personnel overseas.

Churchill disagreed, arguing that to continue the coalition until October would be detrimental to ministerial and parliament work. He suggested as an alternative the coalition continue until the defeat of Japan and, in support of this, to hold a referendum so that the decision rested with the whole electorate.

Clement Attlee and the Labour leadership did not respond to the suggestion of a referendum but offered a compromise in which the coalition would continue until the defeat of Japan but only on condition the government proceeded with social reforms. However, soon after, when this was put to the Labour Party conference, anger at Churchill’s offer of a referendum as opposed to an election was so great that the suggestion was rejected.

Attlee, whose compromise suggestion had been accepted by Churchill, accepted the will of conference and, in an attempt to restore his standing in the party, went on the attack. It is in this context that the contents of his letter to the prime minister have direct relevance and meaning for the more recent history of political decisions.

He wrote:

“I could not consent to the introduction into our national life of a device so alien to all our traditions as the referendum, which has only too often been the instrument of Nazism and Fascism…….and can hardly have endeared these expedients to the British heart”

He then concluded with a personal attack:

“The reasons for rejecting an autumn election seem to me to be based not on national interests but on consideration of party expediency. It appears to me that you are departing from the position of a national leader by yielding to the pressure of the Conservative Party…….”

NB: In the event the general election was held on 5^th July 1945.

Despite Clement Attlee’s thoughts on the efficacy of referendums, the first referendum in the United Kingdom was held on 8^th March 1973; the question concerned Northern Ireland sovereignty. Since then a further 10 referendums have been held, of which three were national referendums.

There is no doubt that the issues addressed by these referendums were important and had serious implications for the future structure of the country and our continuing relationships both within and beyond our borders. However, these considerations are not of themselves sufficient to explain the need for referendums – which are in any event are cumbersome and, more often than not, distil complex issues down to a crude, binary choice of potential outcomes. On this basis, why have they been used so frequently during the past 47 years?

The answer lies in the fact that, whilst we are a parliamentary democracy, we are in practice a two party state and, moreover, two parties comprising a range of ideological opinions held together largely with the intention of maintaining the respective party’s apparent unity and potential for power. This structure, in concert with first past post elections, has meant that large numbers of the electorate feel disenfranchised because so many seats continue to elect representatives of one party or the other time and time again.

It might be argued, therefore, that resort to referendums is a means by which the electorate have a meaningful say in the decision making process. I suggest that, in reality, such an instrument merely underlines the weakness of our democratic process and is an abrogation of parliamentary responsibility. Furthermore, the decision to hold the referendums of 1974 and 2016 was a cynical device to avoid aggravating splits in the two main parties and, in the case of the 2011 referendum, to reinforce and maintain a recently contrived coalition government.

Our political process needs an overhaul. The first past post system is no longer fit for purpose – if it ever was – people are disenfranchised and referendums become the patronising thin end of the wedge. It is time to introduce a more sophisticated voting process and the system I suggest should be proportional representation and specifically the single transferable vote. In this system, rather than one person representing everyone in a small area, bigger areas elect a small team of representatives; these representatives reflect the diversity of opinions in the area. Accordingly, the single transferable vote puts power in the hands of the public and not political parties.

By such means, people who for decades have felt disconnected and alienated from the democratic process will have confidence that their vote has value and meaning in the cause of good governance. The duopoly of the Labour and Conservative parties will be significantly diminished as will the spurious use of referendums for the purpose of maintaining the façade of party unity as opposed to national interests.

Parliament can and will assume its rightful place as the sovereign institution for taking all decisions that affect our country’s future and referendums will finally be consigned to history.

Refs:

Attlee and Churchill Leo McKinstry

For further information on proportional representation and the single transferable vote, go to

www.electoralreform.org.uk

Throughout this piece, I have used the word referendum on numerous occasions. I did this in the hope that the reader might become so sick of the sight of this word, that any future reference to it will induce a physical reaction so severe that he or she would not countenance participation in any future REFERENDUM.

J. Neal @ Clemantics.blogspot.

Romanian Fruit Pickers arrive at Stanstead Airport

A Song to Celebrate the First Landing of Romanian Fruit Pickers at Stanstead Airport

(or Mark Francois' Doomsday Scenario)

Immigration Now Come on by K.o.o.L & The Gangmeisters

Immigrate good times, Come on

Asparagus pickers good times, Come on

Fruit and veg go to waste right here

Unpicked harvest throughout the year

So bring back Romanians, Pollacks too

We're completely fucked without the likes of you

Come on now

Immigration

Lets pick that fruit, pack that veg

Immigration

You gotta immigrate to earn your wedge

Get on that plane it's Stanstead bound

There's an unskilled job for you

Everyone across the world

Come on

Yahoo! Atchoo! Immigration

Covid 19 – no bar to you

Come on

Immigrate, good times, Come on

Mark Francois he love immigration

Immigrate, pick crops

All yo Romanians,

C'mon

Farmers gonna welcome you tonight

Immigrate NOW, you know it's right

Fieldworkers, guaranteed a good time

No minimum wage, that's just fine

Immigration NOW, come on...etc. Etc.

The songster wishes to acknowledge his debt to Mr. K.o.o.L and the Gang – now just C'mon!

NHS Heros; Cabinet Villains.

After his discharge from hospital the Prime Minister – Alphonse ‘Godfather’ Johnson – praised the medical staff at St Thomas’ Hospital for saving his life; in particular he named two nurses for whom he had special praise, a New Zealander and a Portuguese national.

The very same Alphonse ‘Godfather’ Johnson who on 28.6.2017 was one of over 300 Tories and DUP MP’s who voted down a Labour amendment to the Queen’s Speech to remove the public sector pay cap?

At the time, nurses, whose pay had declined by 14% since 2009, were the public sector group who were de-facto acting on behalf of all public sector workers.

Not only did the Tories and DUP vote down the amendment but, on the Speaker declaring the result, the Tory benches erupted in loud cheering!

Currently, we are confronted with the spectacle of the Prime Minister and senior cabinet ministers constantly praising the NHS and its staff, but, on the 28^th June 2017, how did this clique vote:-

These are some of the current Cabinet who voted against, and subsequently cheered upon hearing the Speaker announce the outcome:

Stephen Barclay

Robert Buckland

Dr Therese Coffey

George ‘Useless’ Eustace

Suella Braverman

Zac Goldsmith

Michael Gove

Matt Hancock

Jeremy Hunt (for old times’ sake)

Robert Jenrick

Boris Johnson

Priti Patel

Dominic Raab

Jacob Rees-Mogg

Grant Shapps

Alok Sharma

Rishi Sunak

Liz Truss

Gavin Williamson 

…’Nuff said!

The pay cap was finally lifted in 2018.

Left is always right

Left, left, the left is always right.

Let’s see now, the left of the Labour Party had 4 years to bring about the Socialist nirvana, but the people just wouldn’t listen, and it slumped to its worst election defeat since 1935 – yes, that’s right, 1935.

Is the left of the party finished? Not a bit of it. The current flag bearer is none other than Richard Burgon, he of the monotonic and in his case, uninspiring Yorkshire twang, someone who seems to have undergone a humour bypass and winner of the bronze medal in the deputy leaders contest!

You will recall that during his joust for the deputy leaders post, a central feature of his policy portfolio was the ‘peace pledge; the essence of which was that Labour Party members should be given a vote on whether or not to allow the leader to sanction military actions not supported by the UN.

How do you think this might work out in a time of crisis? Well, let’s see…

Labour Party Extraordinary Conference

Chair: Comrades, we’ve called this Extraordinary Conference to discuss and debate a matter of the gravest national importance. I call upon comrade Richard Burgon to address conference.

RB: Comrades, sisters and brothers, fellow (in the broadest sense) travellers and all those for whom the sainted Jeremy Corbyn remains a guiding light in the darkness of a seemingly endless capitalist conspiracy…

Member: Get on with it…!

RB: Comrades – oh I’ve done that bit - we meet today at a time of national emergency when the government wants to initiate military action without the courtesy of seeking UN approval. Now in accordance with motion 35 as composited with motions 35b, c and d, and passed unanimously at our last conference, by virtue of which, not wishing to put too fine a point on it – and it was my proposal by the way – it is only with your approval that our leader can support this insufferable government and it’s warlike intentions.

What are these intentions I hear you ask; well, as of today, a foreign army has landed at Dover and, as we speak, is attempting to make its way towards Canterbury.

Now let me tell you, comrades, these cowardly curs didn’t invade like in the old days, with an array of warships and landing craft. Oh no, they came underhandedly by taking the Cross Channel Ferry as if on a day trip; we told Raab that the Dover – Calais route was important, but did he listen? No!

Anyway, there’s currently a hotly contested rear guard (or rather a front guard, cos we haven’t voted yet) action by a series of road works on the A2. Now, as you know, holdups by road works are legion and can last for hours or, if cunningly situated, for days; they’ve not seen anything like our roadworks in that there Europe. But for all their inconvenience, they can’t hold out indefinitely and once the invaders have worked out how to set the traffic lights, they’ll be off towards London – a situation which would be much more serious if it were Leeds! Hee, hee.

Comrades, time is of the essence to decide whether we meet force with force or, as I would prefer, whether we appeal to their better internationalist socialist principles, let them buy their M&S clothes, which are excellent value by the way, and take the last ferry back from whence they came.

So I suggest we crack on and move straight to a vote.

All those in favour of fighting fire with fire - abhorrent – vote now, (pause). .. All those in favour of, the more preferable, negotiation according to strict socialist principles, vote now – pause…

I’m sorry comrades and those of you who let the side down, the vote was disappointingly close and we’ll have to go to a ballot.

(Three hours later)

RB Thank you for your patience comrades and I can now announce – what? Excuse me for a moment comrades (whispered aside with an official)…

Oh, it seems the government has capitulated and a new regime has been installed. The upshot of this obvious conspiracy of right wing governments is that I have been certified….

Voice from the hall: “So you should be.”

…… an enemy of the state and have been put on a wanted list of potential threats to peace.

Voice from the hall: “ Never mind Richard, it’s the first you’ve been ‘wanted’ for..a very long time….”

Burgomeister 1550                                      Burgonmeister 2020

Narcissists' Trade Union NTU

 

 

 

 

The NTU Rally (as it happens)

“Narcissists of the World Unite..Behind ME”

“No Behind ME”

“Not at all.. Behind ME”

“No. Behind ME”

and so ….on and on and on and on…..

Through the Looking Glass Revisited – for Lewis Carroll

Through the Looking Glass Revisited – for Lewis Carroll

with guest stars: Priti Patel as Alice

Al Johnson as Humpty Dumpty

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall ,who is the smirkiest of them all?”

The story so far:

Pretty Petal has fallen through a trap-door in the backroom of her parents' Newsagents, where she has been looking for the 'Ultra' edition of the Conservative Review. As usual she lands on her feet but she is aghast to find that her worst nightmare has been realised - she is wandering in a forest of red-tape and regulation. She flails to left and left but cannot find her way out. Then she hears a voice

“Wiffle, waffle, woffle, I'm King of the world; I'm world King; I can do anything...”

Pretty Hopeless emerges into a clearing where an egg-shaped person with a shock of blonde hair sits on a wall.

“I know you” announces Petal “The Cumquat calls you his 'Chubby Marionette'. You're Dumpy Humper”

“Harrumph” Dumpy murmurs to himself “This is not a good start”

Then turning to Pretty he says

“ I can assure you, young Glistening Otter, that Cumquat advises but Humper decides; well at least I think that's what he said. Anyway, what's your name oh girl of colonial disportation”

“ My name is Pretty Ambitious, Fat Mop-Head”

“Well that's a stupid name.” said the Humper dismissively “A name must have a meaning. Pretty Ambitious means nothing to me.”

“It seems to me that Dumpy Humper is a name without meaning” said Pretty defiantly.

“Au contraire, e contrario, puella bella.” responded Dumpy ( Dumpy liked to lapse into a foreign language when he was uncertain, as it showed how clever he was)

“Dumpy refers to the proportionality between my height and my rotundity, which (as you will have noticed) is perfection itself. Humper speaks for itself, I think.” (Dumpy was pleased with this riposte)

“When I came through the forest I heard you say wiffle, waffle, woffle, Mr Humper. What does that mean?”

“When I use a word” Dumpy Humper replied ”It means just what I choose it to mean...neither more nor less.

For example, when I say 40 hospitals it actually means 6 hospitals or when I say 'Do or Die' it means 'I am going to fob you lot off with a load of baloney.'

'Wiffle, waffle woffle' means 'I don't like your question and I'm not going to answer it'; and so on.

Of course, I have to pay some words more than others, according to how hard they work for me – 'Spaffing, bumboys, piccaninnies, letterboxes' are particularly expensive as I use them a lot.

“That's rather good. I like that...” said Pretty Cunning reflectively “So when I say 'immigrant' it can mean all those people I want to keep out of Wonderland, for one reason or another, but it doesn't refer to Ugandan Asians, like Mum, Dad and Me.

Or when I say I'm taking a 'holiday' it means that I am going to meet Bibi 'the bastard' Netanyahoo?”

“By Jove, you've got it.” said the Humper appreciatively “It's the same with 'Turks' sometimes I use it to put the fear of Mogg up people by telling them that 'we're all going to be run over by marauding Turks'. Sometimes I use 'Turk' as a term of endearment for my dear old Great Grandad Ali Kemal Bey, who hails from Istanbul.”

“By the way, coming from Uganda, I don't suppose you would like to climb up here and join Old Dumpy in some 'Ugandan Discussions'* I suppose?”

“I'm afraid I don't speak Swahili” replied a bemused Pretty Awful.

(Pretty is too young to know that 'Ugandan Discussions' is posh boy code for sexual shenanigans)

“Oh that's disappointing” frowned Humper “ Then perhaps I can persuade you to join my 'cabinet'. I think that it would be amusing to have a representative of the Ugandan Tottyship nearby. You could even sit next to me instead of Cumquat (He always smells unwashed)”

“What's a cabinet” enquired Pretty Useless.

“It's my box, in which I keep people, who do exactly what I say; or rather, exactly what Cumquat says.”

“It sounds just right for me” mused Pretty Devious “And can I make words mean exactly what I want them to, like you?”

“Of course, Pretty Unscrupulous; well that's settled.” said Dumpy Humper clapping his hands. As he did so he started to lose his balance. “ Cripes this wasn't supposed to happen...Cumquat...Cumquat... Cumquaaaatt...where are you?...”

-----------------------------------------------------------------

*Editor's note:Ugandan discussions" is a euphemism for sex coined during the early 1970s by the satirical British magazine "Private Eye".
The basis of the term arose at a party in London hosted by Neal Ascherson at which Irish moralist and journalist Mary Kenny, during her early, wild phase, spent some time upstairs with a former Ugandan government minister. On rejoining the other guests, Kenny explained their absence by saying they were "upstairs discussing Uganda".