Don't Pull 'em Down

 

The Statue Tory Read (a subsidiary of Wright-Wing Press)

Don't Pull 'em Down

(by our correspondent A. Cortt- Clarke)

Members of the No Common Sense Group of Tory MPs awoke to the news that the Scotstoun 4 (Ms. A. Woke; Ms. A. Snow-Flayke; Mr. A. Pinkeau; Mr. A. Trott) had been acquitted of causing Criminal Damage to one of the UK's proudest statues.

Outside Court Ms. Snow-Flayke explained

“ We simply thought we were doing the good people of Scotstoun a service by removing an icon celebrating rape, exploitation and paedophilia”

Miss Sue Ella, (Braine-Lesse & Braverperson solicitors) representing pressure group Statues 'R' Us claimed that the 4's acquittal opened the door to statue assault up and down the country.

“We are facing a complete meltdown of Law and Order.The Grand Ole' Duke of York in St. James's has to be constantly guarded. Only last week a cut and dried case of theft of Jim 'll Fix it badge was thrown out on the grounds of it being an offensive medallion.”

Miss Sue Ellawent on to say

“ I shall be referring the Scotstoun case to the Court of Appeal as it has right pissed me and like-minded custodians of Make Britannia Grate Again off.”

The Perv Research Group at Westminster commented

“ By destroying this edifice the children of our Great Country (excluding Scotland) lose the opportunity to learn how much we revel* Exploitative Paedos in our society 

*(did you mean revile?- ed.)

ASH the anti-smoking pressure group echoed the PRG's sentiments. It claimed

“Removing Jim's cigar has deprived our youth of the opportunity of learning the hazards of smoking.”

Ivor Lyttle-John 'John speaks, the world listens', writing in the Daily Male observed

“The Infamous 4 would be singing a different tune if the statue of Hereward-The-Woke in Ely** was desecrated.”

**(I don't think there is a statue to Hereward in Ely. - ed.)

The Statue Tory Read asked the Government for comment. No senior Tory was available but Raquel Mc Cleanup, Minister for Safeguarding, told us

“ I think I can safely say that without Jim, I wouldn't have a job. He certainly fixed it for me!!”