The Hunting of the Sunark (after Lewis Carroll)

 

The Hunting of the Sunark (after Lewis Carroll)

 

Part, the First

'Let us 'do' for the Sunark' the Bozzman cried

As he assembled his cronies with care

'Let's jump on this Wickhamist

Let's Roger the Dodger; let's give this worm a scare'

 

'Let's snuff out the Sunark!' I have said it twice

That alone will encourage my crew

'Let's' take out', the Sunark,' I have said it thrice

When I wiffle 3 times it always come true!

My crew is complete; it includes Dippy Dorris

Dork, Sans Pareil and devoted to Boris;

The Lord Cruddarse a consummate tit

Small in the brain and slow in the wit

A Moggster, the proleptic Master of Obfuscation

An incurable windbag , given to self-admiration

A Goldsmith to give us all money;

A necessary joke, but not very funny.

 

Last of all and by no means least

A Pretty Pattell to thwart our Sunark Beast.

The Bozzman concluded

No room for Rabbid – he's clearly deluded

Alas ruminated Bozzer with a sigh

Biter Mordant won't join us I know not why.

We have need of her stabberous sword

Thus,The Sunark's ruination's assured

(Bozza feigns a sword thrust)

'So,enquired ' the Moggster 'what is the plan?'

Fly the Sunark to Rwanda or p'rhaps Kurdistan?

'By Jove!' exclaims the Bozzman without hesitation

Let's find him guilty of illegal migration

House in Santa Monica, married in Bangalore

He's not one of us,of that we are sure

A small boat to Calais surely awaits

Nothing personal; Rish 'Them's just the breaks'

 

-------------------------------------------------

In Part 2 the Crew make suggestions on how to ensnare the Sunark. But first of all they must find The Elusive Sunark...

More Balcony Conversations

 

Balcony Conversations part 1

 

Ben (Itsa) Fittup Harding Valedictory

CLEMANTICS regrets to inform you of the passing of the Conservative Leader of the Canterbury City Council, Ben Fittup-Hardening.

Mr. Fittup at the state opening of his new car park on White Elephant Street

Tributes have been flooding in from:

 

 Swalecliffe Sewerage Co.  'Mr. Fittup suggested that we put the principle of "Trickle Down'"at the heart of our business plan - he effectively saved the company. ALSO he exhorted that we remember that in the waste disposal business it isn't just the cream that floats to the top! THE MAN'S A TOTAL LEGEND!

Zoned Out PLC. The Canterbury Zone Scheme was sheer genius. To think Mr Hardup brushed it aside as something he had drawn up on the back of an envelope after a night drinking Jägerbombs. THE MAN'S A TOTAL LEGEND!

 

A. Ford-Abell Housing Ltd. 'This man is SO 'Can-Do'- Who can forget the night we clinched the deal at Witherspoons when he downed half a dozen Jägerbombs,stood on the table and declared to all and sundry  " Brown sites, Green sites, Tame Farmers, we've got it covered. Just C'mon down...and then broke into 

"No Infrastructure, No VAT; No money down; I guarantee...God bless Fittup. B; Magnifique c'est Hardup B." THE MAN'S A TOTAL LEGEND!

 

NCP: Project White Elephant would hae been impossible without Mr. Fittup working day and night to ensure that Canterbury had the parking spaces it richly deserved.Genius.THE MAN'S A LEGEND!

In a moving ceremony outside WESTGATE HALLS, where M.Hardup discarded his Blue Rosette into a waiting unemptied Blue Wheelie Bin,a lone minstrel complete with mouth-organ struck up a bespoke lament that he had written for the occasion:

The Ballad of Ben Fittup-Hardening

Ben (ItsaFittup)-Harding

Was a friend to the rich

He travelled with Plan

In every hand.

All along our District

He tried to make a pitch

But he was never known

To help an honest man

It was down in Canterbury

One day he came around

With his cronies by his side

He made a plan

So they built an empty car park

For a mere ten million pounds

All of which has gone

Right down the pan.

Ben he loved developers

Who came to make a buck

In Mountfield Park

They thought they had it made

But soon their mad ideas

All but came unstuck

The people wouldn’t stand

For this charade

He stood for re-election

In Chestfield’s sylvan grove

He’s bound to win

Was what they all did say

But when the votes were counted

There was nothing left to prove

Ben had lost it

On a bright and happy day.

(with thanks to John Wesley Harding and the combined talents of Huw Kyffin & Robert Zimmerman along with John Sullivan)

 

 

Ben Fittup starts his new job at White Elephant Carparks

WHERE ARE THEY NOW? POST-ELECTION 24 EDITION

 CLEMANTICS has fast forwarded to Election 24: Apres la Deluge

(with thanks to the Anonymous Photoshopper at Large)

GOVE-A-GOGO

"Top Man, Bezo! He said he could always find room for talents like mine in his Company"

Despite a CV, which highlighted failures to deliver on Inflation, Boats in the Channel, Integrity and Openness in Governmen,t Rish still manages to bag a job with top Aussie Company Deliveroo: All part of the Brexit Bonus

'DoorMatt' Hancock fails to make the cut in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me and My Handcart out of Here'

(sponsored by ASDA)

RABB TO GO, PLEASE!

"Just take the Bully-Beef Burger, Sir and Foxtrot Oscar"

------------------------------

 

OH! OUT OF THE ZONE

 

Oh, Out of the Zone

(To the Tune of Home, Home on the Range)

Some seven years on from the vote that was won,

Brexit benefits seem somewhat remote,

But dear Kemi B has a complete remedy

A trade deal she says is bespoke.

 

CHORUS

Oh, out of the zone,

In a world where we’re all on our own,

Sovereignty is all, but we’re having a ball,

So there’s no need to worry at all.

 

I'm Bad I'm really, really Bad
 

Kemi seems pleased with improved GDP,

But it’s only going up by a fraction,

What of sovereignty you say,

Did it come into play,

Or was it simply a distraction.

 

CHORUS

Oh, out of the zone,

In a world where we’re all on our own,

Sovereignty is all, but we’re having a ball,

So there’s no need to worry at all.

That Kemi’s a card,

She’s a Brexit diehard,

But believes we’re stronger together,

Well if that is the case,

It’s a bloody disgrace,

Cos we had all this once and much better.

CHORUS

Oh, out of the zone,

In a world where we’re all on our own,

Sovereignty is all, but we’re having a ball,

So there’s no need to worry at all

 

 

For this I was crucified?!

 

"

A classic performance from an egoist whose primary obligations have been self pleasure, convening a ‘posse of believers’ as leader and getting them to believe in his charismatic skills to deceive his way out of any difficult situation by ‘playing the innocent’ , denying full personal responsibility, ‘reworking the narrative’ so that this is how it is. He is the ‘Prince of Bullshit and Self Promoted Glorification’. The pattern was evident in early school reports at Eton. It is our national tragedy that such narcissistic character defects have taken him so far in the political life of the UK"