“When in
the evening the sky grows dark in the West it is full of chickens flying home
to roost – Chinese proverb – Now read on...
Global or Gobshite Britain?
The board of Clemantics agreed
that our first edition would address the true reality of the phrase ‘Global
Britain’. Then, just as I was about to put pen to paper or, in today’s parlance
finger to key, the PM announced that she had called a general election! This
from the woman who had previously stated unequivocally – a word the meaning of
which is seemingly unknown to politicians – that there would not be an election.
It would seem that whilst on
holiday in Wales the PM experienced an epiphany not dissimilar to the one Paul
experienced on the road to Damascus (In her case though, it was not so much a
bright light as the darkest most threatening cloud the Welsh have ever seen)[1]. On emerging from this
most threatening of a natural phenomenon, our most esteemed PM was heard to
mutter “I have seen the darkness and it is Me!”. And lo, since that time the ‘cult of Me’ has
grown until the way, the truth and the darkness can only be achieved by
pursuing the religion of one, or TOWIM (The Only Way Is Me) as it will be
known. A vote for anybody else (NB not even the Conservative Party, but
‘Me’) will bring chaos, anarchy and, worst of all, cosying up to Jean Foreigner
across The Channel or, as we will soon be calling it, La Manche.
Oh dear! First we have ‘Cool
Britannia’, then ‘Global (Great) Britain’ and now we are on the cusp of not ‘one nation Tory
Britain’ but ‘One Nation
Mayism for all time Britain’. The cult of personality is not dead, it has
simply been residing in the Thames Valley – who knew!
So, let’s be clear. The ‘Me’
May, having elevated herself to Kim Jong Un status, is the only person capable
of delivering for (Great) Britain ‘strong and stable’ Government and show these
execrable Europeans what’s what and who’s who.
But, if ye wish her
gratefu prayer,Gie her a Haggis (R.Burns)
But hark, you might exclaim,
whatever deal the estimable Theresa Jong May gets, surely leaving the Single
Market and the Customs Union will undermine our economy? Do not fret. Why, only
recently, I learnt that the statesman known as Boris Piffle Johnson has
announced that, post Brexit, we will sell haggis to the Americans! The fact
that it has been illegal to sell haggis in the USA since 1971 is of ‘piffling’
importance. However, the Donald, with his Scottish ancestry, will no doubt sign
yet another executive order rescinding such a regulation. The sales of haggis
will outstrip the sale of arms to the Middle East, Scotland’s economy will be
saved, Nicola Sturgeon will willingly bend the knee to the ‘Me’ May and her
loyal and faithful ( faithful? Ed) acolyte Piffle Johnson and Thanksgiving
dinner will never be the same again. Who would have thought that the humble
haggis could be responsible for such harmony and prosperity?
STOP! This is nonsense. Surely
nobody can behave like this? It would seem that 52% of the voting public
might well!
Facts that May have
escaped you
Right, here are some facts
which might, just might, bring some reality to the situation.
Setting aside the sale of
haggis so vast that there couldn’t possibly be enough sheep’s bladders to go
around, leaving the Single Market and Customs Union will be another potential
‘economic Dunkirk’.
At present goods and services
between the UK and the EU occur without hindrance to the extent that 54.3%
of UK exports by value are delivered to other European trade partners, more
than the rest of the world put together. (D.
Workman)
To put this into context here’s
a limited list of the extent to which we export to countries where we would hope to increase our trade.
·
USA 15%
·
Canada – less than
2%
·
Australia – less
than 2%
·
New Zealand – less
than 1%
·
India – less than
2%
·
China – 4.4%
Vince Cable, Lib Dem former
Business Secretary, recently wrote in The Guardian that to increase the above
percentages will take many years. If that is the case, it is reasonable to
assume that businesses of various stripes will either postpone investing and/or
consider transferring their businesses to a more stable and, potentially,
stronger economic environment – there are those words again, ‘strong’ and
‘stable’.
No way Jose, Jean,
Johann et al
In addition, should we leave
the EU without a deal, there is the very real prospect of trade tariffs which
would inevitably adversely affect the economy and possibly the Union.
And finally...
we're foxed
Finally, on leaving the EU, The
Single Market and The Customs Union, it will be crucial that we quickly arrange
trade deals; although whether such trade deals should include States where
extrajudicial killing is condoned might need some serious thought even though,
with reference to one such State, Dr Fox states that we share similar cultural
values. (Is extrajudicial killing currently condoned by the Government? Ed.)
Our need to arrange deals will
be great indeed. All other countries will know this and consequently strengthen
their hand in negotiations.
The
future is ‘Me’, the failure is blue! The future, wherein lies this madness and
destitution! Vote ‘Me’ for a bright future for life or 2019, whichever is the
sooner.
Next time:
- Lies, damned lies, and statistics – immigration the true picture
- 3 Bozos on their way
- A book at Bedtime – Nutwood turns its back on Asylum-seekers
A very happy Mayday to the Brexiteers; and a
desperate “ Strasbourg, we have a problem – Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!” from the
rest of us[1]
[1] Or Boris when her in doors found he had been
playing inside Petronella's pants? -ed.)
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