Post-Mortem

THE LOU SINGH MOMENTUM PLAYERS PRESENT

 

IT MIGHT BE TRUE 

A KITCHEN SINK DRAMA

In Association With

TWO LEFT FEET PRODUCTIONS

Dateline: Camber Sands – 26^th June 2020

Extraordinary meeting of the Socialist Campaign Group………

“Hold on, hold on. How do you know there was a meeting of the Socialist Campaign Group at Camber Sands, I simply don’t believe it!

Because you idiot, there was a red flag flying over the lifeguard hut – so it stands to reason. Now, if you don’t mind I’d like to get on!

As I was saying, this alleged meeting – satisfied? – was called to discuss the sacking of one of the dearly loved comrades – namely, Double Decker Old Bailey – by that faux socialist, Sir “I’m just a working class lad” Starmer.

The meeting was addressed by the chair of the Socialist Campaign Group, Richard Burgoo. He informed the members that their strategy of publishing a tweet from the beloved comrade and actress, Marxist Vertex, with its cunningly disguised anti-Semitic trope had been a great success; not least because it was re- tweeted, as arranged, by the comradely martyr Double Decker Old Bailey which led to her political demise.

Burgoo, praised Old Bailey’s sacrifice in the cause of left wing solidarity and the renewed fight for the Dover of the party. Other group members added their own comments such as John McScouser, who with questionable parental schmaltz, expressed his pride at double DD’s courage, whilst Only One Corboni simply but movingly said, “Good morning”, “Thank you for coming”, I hope we won’t be long, I’ve got a problem with my runner beans”, “Goodbye” - bless him.

It was left to Len Cluckles to put a slight dampener on proceedings when he commented on Old Bailey’s piece in the Gruniard; especially her pathetic explanation of a cup of coffee, a fit of the vapours and a resultant lack of concentration. But gentleman that he is (sic), he conceded that Old Bailey was young - at which point Old Bailey looked down in simpering fashion – and, as yet had not fully embraced the fate of all true British socialists – the bitter and enduring taste of defeat.

He went on to say “We got what we wanted, a new war,’cos what’s life without fighting the stat…stat…what’s that word Burgoo?

“Status quo”

“Aye that Roman feller. Your sacrifice and martyrdom will go down in the annals of the left’s struggle against the suppression of the working class.

Pass us a cucumber sandwich and a slice of that excellent Dundee cake would you, there’s a dear”

At this point, Burgoo moved that it was now Cluckles’ turn to take the movement forward. He in turn confirmed that he was composing an anthem for our (i.e. their) time and proceeded to give the meeting a rendition of the first verse as follows;

He (or she) who would Communist be, ‘gainst any right wing ideologies,

Let him (or her) in perpetuity follow the teachings of Gramsci,

There’ll be no turning back we’re ever on the right track,

With pain, it’s just my bad back,

To be a Com-mu-nist

On finishing, he said, “It’s a bit rough round the edges but I’m getting there”

There was silence in the meeting when, surprisingly, Only One Corboni looked up from his crop planner and said, “It sounds familiar and takes me back to my school days when the other boys gave me a wedgie after assembly”.

At this, the meeting lost some momentum (!) and as is the wont with many men, talk became somewhat desultory and turned to the ups and downs of football teams or in the case of Only One Corboni the problem of saving his brassicas from marauding pigeons.

In, yet out, Old Bailey sat quietly in the corner, a single tear rolling down her flushed cheek. After a while she looked up and said “What about me now”

The others looked over seemingly surprised she was still there. They seemed lost for words but finally suggested that her time had come and gone and for her it was back to the back benches and obscurity. They turned away and resumed talking amongst themselves, leaving Old Bailey to reflect on what might have been had she not flown too close to the sun that was Only One Corboni.

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